Masterclass: Body language: Do you know what you are saying?

Helen Burton, head of diversity and international finance partner at Ashurst LLP and Dr. Gwenllian Williams, business owner of professional services consultancy deWinton-Williams, assess the influence of body language in the business context and reveal how non-verbal communication can be used to your advantage.

Body language is an area where there are significant differences between the sexes. Women are naturally better at reading non-verbal cues, giving support to the notion of female intuition. Men and women also use body language differently, with women often tending towards more submissive gestures than men.
In this article we will look at how you can interpret and better understand body language, thereby using a skill in which women naturally excel to their advantage. We’ll also look at how you can develop an awareness of your own body language and the subliminal messages you are sending to others.

Female intuition explored
MRI scans have revealed that women have 14-16 areas of the brain which evaluate behaviour in others, whereas men have only four to six1. When interpreting reactions in others, women are right 87 per cent of the time compared to 42 per cent accuracy in men. Women use a wider range of intonation than men, and men hear less. Whether due to the biology of being the mothering gender or due to nurture, women hear more, see more and interpret more than men.

Initial impressions
We make an assessment of somebody in the first few minutes of meeting, so first impressions are vital. What should you look for in those all important first minutes of meeting, and what can you do to ensure you come across well?

The handshake
The handshake has developed from a gesture of safety in ancient times to a method of sealing deals in the 19th century. Nowadays it is the common form of business greeting and is often the first contact we have with someone new. Thus, it is a vital tool in making a good first impression.
We have all come across people with unbearable handshakes – the vice-like grip pumping up and down for example, or the ‘wet fish’ limp-wristed shake – and we have all formed views of the protagonist as a result. Given the importance of your handshake it makes sense to ensure you are getting the right message across from the start.
Generally in a handshake, palm down with the hand over the other person suggests dominance. Effectively, the dominant handshake results in the upper hand. One study of senior managers found 88 per cent of males and 31 per cent of females automatically favoured the dominant handshake2.
The opposite of the dominant handshake is the palm offered facing upwards. This is a sign of submission and demonstrates that the other person is in control. Females often do this subconsciously to older males, so this is something to be aware of. Your client wants to feel you are in control so will not be looking for you to be submissive, and you don’t want the person you are negotiating against to feel he or she has the upper hand before you even open your mouth. To create equality, when two dominant people shake hands, both palms remain in the vertical position. This results in a feeling of equality and mutual respect, so ensure you approach a handshake in this manner.
One final point to remember is that cultural differences will also come into play: generally Americans shake for the longest, the French shake the most frequently and Germans and the French continue to hold your hand after the handshake.

Smile
Women tend to smile more than men, and this has been linked to women’s historic lower status. A smile is a sign of submission and a request to be accepted on a personal level. However, when you smile at someone, the smile is usually returned, even if both smiles are fake. Smiling provokes a positive reaction in others; it is very rare for a smile not to be returned. Therefore, although a submissive sign, as it will most likely be returned, it is not a sign of weakness and can help start a meeting on a positive foot.

Body language in action
Once you have got past the initial introduction, what should you be looking for in formal and informal meetings?

Rapport
Why is it that there are some people we just click with, within minutes of meeting, and some we never will? The answer is rapport – do we have rapport with the other person or not? Interestingly most rapport is created through body language and mirroring another person’s gestures. It is a way of demonstrating acceptance and enhancing similarities with the other person. Though entirely unconscious, mirroring puts a person at ease.
Mirroring is a powerful tool, and neuro-linguistic programming (NLP) therapists have demonstrated that a person intentionally assuming someone else’s body positions begins to experience the emotions felt by that person. This helps explain why adopting a confident stance even when feeling nervous makes you feel better – your demeanour feeds into your emotional self.
Research has demonstrated that women are four more times as likely to mirror another woman than a man, and generally men will not mirror a woman3. This may explain why women can feel an outsider in a group of men if they are all mirroring each other and she is excluded. There is nothing to prevent you from consciously attempting to create rapport, by approximating the other person’s stance, eye contact, tone and words. A word of warning, though: subtlety is the key here. Playing a game of ‘Simon says’ across a meeting room could leave you looking rather foolish!

Space invasion
Every animal has a need for personal space, and in humans the size of this is largely dependent on where you grew up, though generally women have a smaller personal space requirement than men. Invading someone else’s personal space can make them feel uncomfortable and may create negative feelings towards the invader. Different cultures will have different concepts of personal space.
On a practical level, personal space also comes into play when deciding where to sit in a meeting. Men prefer to sit beside a colleague; women prefer to be opposite where they can get the best view. The best position to place yourself in relation to your client is on the diagonal. It avoids the problem of invading their personal space because the corner of the desk gives a clear barrier, yet it still allows for good eye contact and the opportunity to observe gestures and create rapport.

Head position
One of the easiest parts of the body to read is the head. Head positions are largely universal. Nodding one’s head is a signal of agreement in most cultures. It is an extension of the head down, submissive agreement signal seen in primates. Research has shown blind people also nod when agreeing, which suggests the impulse is probably genetic4. A key gender difference is that women nod to encourage talk. Men often take this to be an expression of agreement, which may not be the case at all.
Head-nodding can be a useful tool to encourage agreement. Certainly, it is common for a speaker to talk more than usual if those listening are nodding slowly. Conversely, fast nodding is an indication that it’s time for the speaker to wrap up: the listener has heard enough and wants to respond. Therefore, if you want to keep someone talking, nod slowly in groups of three, or to shut them up speed up the nodding.
Shaking your head to signify ‘no’ is also believed to be an inborn action. Indeed it is suggested that it is the first gesture humans demonstrate as they pull away from their mother’s breast when they have had their fill of milk. Therefore, a head shake with a positive affirmative message will suggest that the message may not be entirely genuine. Similarly a denial will always be more convincing (and real) if accompanied by a shake of the head.

The eyes have it
Blinking increases with stress. In President Nixon’s televised resignation speech, his blinking increased far over the normal rate, coining the phrase the ‘Nixon effect’ to mean rapid blinking. It is important, therefore, even if you are feeling stressed in a meeting, to try to control your blinking by making a conscious effort to focus on objects in the room to avoid letting your opponents know you are anxious. To assert power over another person, focus your gaze on their forehead and eyes; as long as your gaze doesn’t drop they will feel intimidated and usually stop talking.

Hand and arm signals
Most people are aware that crossed arms suggests a hostile audience. It is an attempt to create a physical barrier between oneself and someone or something one wants to move away from. So, in a meeting, if someone has their arms crossed, it is probable that they don’t agree and are not receptive to your line of argument. It has also been demonstrated in a study that students sitting with folded arms in lectures learn and retain 38 per cent less information than students with unfolded arms5. Therefore, even if not hostile, it will generally signify that information is not being received as well as it should.
One other thing to look at is the position of the fingers – pyramid fingers with the fingers pointing up usually signals interest and thinking, though it also signifies a confident self-assured attitude. Women tend to pyramid their hands with fingers pointing forwards, which is a less aggressive form of the pyramid. If the hands are clenched, then this signals defence and frustration.
Finally, it is worth observing palm gestures. Palms are used to infer an open and honest approach. When asking someone to trust us, we tend to open our hands – historically this would have been to demonstrate a lack of weapons. Open palms to the side is a signal of telling the truth. Similarly, concealing hands is linked to hiding information, whether hiding palms in pockets, crossing arms or tugging at sleeves. In common with the handshake, palms down when making a statement or request indicates authority, while palms up is a symbol of submissiveness.

Touch
From an early age we associate touch with comfort: a mother, for example, will hold an upset child tight to soothe them. Therefore, an adult fiddling with his or her hair, touching their arms or playing with jewellery indicates nervousness and a need for comfort – an impression you should attempt to avoid in the business environment.
One other thing to look out for is someone putting a hand to the back of their neck, which indicates anger or conflict – quite literally they are feeling ‘hot under the collar’. There is a biological reason for this, as increased adrenaline increases heat around the neck, and if you see this happening you may need to diffuse the situation.

Watch the feet
More often than not, in the business context the direction of the body is suggestive of where the person wants to be. Research indicates that the position of feet and toes serves as a pointer as to where the mind wants to go, indicating like or dislike6. Toes pointed away indicates discomfort or dislike, and vice versa.
If you’re interested in someone or something, not only will the feet point towards them/it, but we will often put one foot forward to shorten the distance between us and that person or thing. Conversely, when we are not interested the feet will be pulled back. If you note someone’s feet and/or body point towards the door it is time to accept that you have lost their attention and they view the meeting/conversation as over.

Body language in practice
When reading someone else’s body language remember:

Look for clusters, read in context and remember cultural differences may also be at play;
If there is conflict between words and body language, it is likely that the words are false;
If you choose to mirror somebody’s body language, subtlety is key; and,
As socio-economic status increases, body language signals decrease.

As women are generally more likely to demonstrate submissive body language, consciously taking steps to avoid this can help increase your confidence. Your physiology plays a strong role in determining your emotional reaction; it is difficult to feel depressed if dancing around to uplifting music, for example. Likewise, if you feel nervous, adopting a confident body position will help to quell those nerves. It will also change other people’s reaction to you.

References

Pease, A and Pease, B. The Definitive Book of Body Language, 2004.
Pease, A and Pease, B. The Definitive Book of Body Language, 2004.
Beattie, G. Visible Thought: The New Psychology Of Body Language, 2003.
Pease, A and Pease, B. The Definitive Book of Body Language, 2004.
Kuhnke, E. Body Language for Dummies, 2007.
http://eliothoppe.com/articles/20080825-feet.html

Helen Burton is head of diversity and a international finance partner at Ashurst LLP. She can be contacted at helen.burton@ashurst.com.
Dr. Gwenllian Williams is business owner of professional services consultancy deWinton-Williams. She can be contacted at gwenllian@dewinton-williams.com